Opportunities lost...

So there I was (I've long thought that's the best way to start an anecdote), in the men's bathrooms (not the best way to continue said anecdote, but bear with me here), washing my hands. An Important Academic is in there too, washing his hands (not a euphemism here - we were actually washing our hands). He points at the windows, and says something to the effect of "You know it's a dodgy neighbourhood when they've even got bars on the windows of the toilets". And I'm hit by the "there's a joke here" demon.

In this case, as you know, you generally have about 2 seconds to come up with your response. And I know it's there, and it's pretty funny. The words are all in there, tumbling across the landscape of my consciousness like great big tumbly consciousy things, toying with me, but I can't get them to perform the right acrobatic maneuvers to turn into That Joke I Know Is There. A second passes, and I say "yeah" to kind of stall for time, and That Joke is still there, not ready to come out right (it could come out, but it'd be a bit of a mess).

Then the academic starts talking about the project we're working on, and the joke hits me. Bam! And it's pretty funny for an off the cuff remark, but it's precisely one second to late. He's all like "blah", and I'm all "blah blah" and if I backtracked the conversation I'd look a bit tragic, like some guy that can't get his witty rejoinders out quickly enough, so I let it go, just a little sad that such a good joke was gone forever (unless someone else ever comments on bars on the windows of a bathroom, in which case Bam! they're gonna get a good one).

It's just one of the sad tales of my life. I'm surrounded by some very witty people (as well as some people who tell a lot of jokes), and it's rare that I come out with a good one really quickly. There was That One Joke I Made At Mardi Gras which pretty much everyone I know knows, because I've told them, just in case they weren't aware of how witty I can be. I remember one radio comic (Ross Noble) cunningly coming up with a way of repeating a joke he'd come up with at a live performance (he apologized on air to a lady from the live audience after accusing her of having sex with wizards). But this one is lost to posterity; and on reflection it wasn't that great. And most of you have probably figured out what it was by now, so I'd better not tell it here. After all, I wouldn't want anyone to take the piss.